Journal Entry:
Sun Nov 8, 2009, 3:19 PM
-
Mood:
Gloomy -
Listening to: Vanilla Twilight - Owl City
-
Reading: lecture notes
-
Eating: starving
-
Drinking: water
I just have to vent this out, I feel like I've been wearing this mask about university ever since September. Truth is, I am seriously stressed out, and I've been breaking down a lot lately.
As a commuter, I am having the hardest time I've ever had. I swear I waste at least 15 hours a week just on transportation and any days I get off, I have a full day of work. Because of all the commuting, I've been lacking sleep and the time I need to spend on homework is cut down.
The thing is, I can't quit work. The holiday season is coming up and I know that I need the money. I've been going on shopping rampages lately to forget about all these worries. It's this nonstop cycle, the more I work and the more I stress myself out, the more money I spend.
OSAP (student loans) aren't helping me out, I still didn't get my money.. and interest for my tuition fee is building up. Something messed up while I was on vacation in China over the summer, and I have made numerous calls to try to fix it up. It's not looking good right now..
Now my family is heading to Cuba for a week at the end of this month while I stay back. They refuse to take me with them because I need to "concentrate on school". Such bullshit, wasn't it my mom who pushed me so hard to get a job. So working practically 18 hours a week isn't interrupting with school? I just feel so lost right now, I feel like nothing in my life is right. I just want to fast forward past my exams and enjoy the holidays.
Sorry that this journal had to be so depressing, I just had to let it out.
`anmari has been spreading her infectious positivity throughout our community for over 6 years. Throughout this time Ana has been at the core of all things devious, passionately developing an eclectic gallery, helping organise devmeets, participating in chat events and also recently completed dedicating her time as a Community Volunteer. We are absolutely delighted to bestow the Deviousness Award for May 2013 to `anmari, congratulations! Read More
Sta.sh
Theme
.
.......... The design MUST HAVE ONLY 2 COLORS; BLACK AND WHITE
this journal 
GRAB LIFE, AND MAKE IT YOUR BITCH
then again i have 4 years to change..
i'm moving out in january because i can't take this anymore
): uni is tough. but you'll get the hang of it i think..eventually
For some time now, I've just been so messed up and although it's not just because of school work, that has been playing a part as big well. People just don't understand me and are hurting me unknowingly with their words, I'm becoming more cynical and less social (not that I ever really was social) and I find myself breaking down a lot and sometimes randomly crying because of the stress. And it makes me sad that I can't open up to anyone, and frankly will probably never be able open up to anybody. On top of that, junk food is my stress reliever which later makes me even more stressed due to my increasing weight. And just like you, I shop a lottttt T.T
One of my solutions was to make a blog, and although only two people read it (one friend of mine and Serena ROFL), it really helps to just rant and get my depressing emotions out. So hopefully this journal of yours helps
Lastly, you need to know that we all love you and you need a hug -hugs-
I'm just going to do an at home course, if it's this bad.
I so hope things get better for you Jiani, but your so talented, I PROMISE, your life will get better.
This planet is shit, and it shouldn't waste it's resources on the filth, you are definatly not the filth ;]
Things will get better, your too great for them to not =]
<3333333333 Wish you the best Jaicca.
maybe theres a martial arts club at your uni?
I might not know how you feel commuting wise...since I don't spend as long as you. But I do understand what you're going through emotionally.
I haven't really told anyone...I just keep it in. And I find myself just breaking down everyday before class and after class, on the train, during homework, in bed...I find it stressful. And I just plainly don't want to do anything. Nothing has been going right for me financially, socially, or dream wise. Pretty much all year. And now my mom gets a bit scared for me, because everyday I just feel more and more sad, and not wanting to do homework, go to school, or do much at all. I just play games to pass time, or draw/ do drawing homework/ or just sleep. I don't even know what I even do for my program, I just know I have to do well - whatever well is. I realize I'm not smiling as much as I used to. Losing touch/ not talking with friends. Seeing life pass by and people change. Just keeping to myself at ahome all alone.
But hey, I didn't come here to say all of that now did I?
I guess what I'm trying to say is don't give up. Uni is stressful, and the change is hard,(well actually I think this is high school repeat for me. I KILLED MYSELF WITH WORK AND ACTIVITES 4YRS IN A ROW). I'm still surprised OSAP has yet to process you, but don't worry, I'm sure you'll pull thru. Just hopefully you'll know what to do when you realize by next semester that the hours you get from work are too much, sometimes what we don't want to do is for the better
If anything you can come to me :] I might not be much but sometimes even having someone sit right next to you and listen/ stop you from splurging and saying the most random/darnest things (LOL) is the most comforting thing. I miss that a lot that's for sure.